In the old days, women dreamed of family: a strong, loving husband, happy children, a nice career, maybe even a puppy. Further, natural and biological traits have imbued both men and women with the desire to reproduce. In 2006, this has all gone away, particularly for well-educated black women. Educated black women don’t like children.
In high school, college and just beyond, black women I knew dreamed of a having a great family, together with a successful career. Over the past few years, however, I’ve come to know educated black women in a different way. A very scary way. I have at least a dozen well-educated, married, black female friends who have decided in the last few years that they do not want children. This wasn’t always the case, though. They wanted kids when they were younger, but now that they are in mid-career, the cusp of executive level jobs, they have come to view children as nothing more than an unfair burden on them (and not their husbands), a career impediment, and an unnecessary—and permanent–”obligation.”
Yesterday I spoke with a friend of mine in Atlanta whose wife, after six years of saying the opposite, came out and said she didn’t want kids. He is heartbroken and considering divorce. Her reasons, you ask? Here’s a quote: “I don’t want to have a child I don’t want. It’s a permanent obligation, and I don’t want to stop my life. I want to come and go as I please.” I’m sure many of you have heard the same things. Similarly, I have a friend in Seattle whose wife just played the “I don’t want kids” card after just 2 years of marriage. Again, she misled her husband throughout their courtship. Her reason? “I don’t want to be tied down.” What gives? When did educated, married black women start hating kids? What exactly do these women expect to do with the rest of their lives, work?
My opinion is that most healthy black women who don’t want children probably suffered some sort of major childhood or adolescent trauma, whether incest, molestation, sexual assault, abortion or abandonment. Many times, these traumas are not fully realized until a woman enters her prime childbearing years and the reality of children is imminent. Being 30 and married makes children the next natural step. . .
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