Why Black Women Aren’t Getting Married

By Danielle Kwateng

“An “independent woman” is what she refers to herself as. She makes her own money, pays her own bills, and looks good; all at the same time. She’s fearless, in control and motivated. Nothing can stop the wind beneath her wings, nothing but the fate of being permanently single.

Big J: Neither men nor women are “independent.” We are mutually dependent on each other. The notion that a woman should be “independent” is feminist bullshit.

“Amma Nyako, and over-40 single attorney chuckles as she recounts her past dating ambitions and what she thinks many women do wrong in relationships. “I was looking for someone who was going to be a higher status than I am, so I could quit working. But I didn’t find it. So I started dating men on my level, but it was difficult. I actually dated a plumber, but because I thought he wasn’t good enough, we broke up. Turns out he now owns a successful plumbing business.”

Big J: Women naturally want a man of a “higher status” so that he can be a “provider” for his family, but in today’s economy, only 4% of American families with at least two children are headed by a working man and non-working woman. (Source: The Decline of Males). Now, there are 2 million more women in college than men, so it’s going to get much worse.

But for younger black women, the pressures of getting married are not as persistent.
“I want to get married, but I’m not seriously worried about it. I feel like I need [to be] focused on myself, finding out who I am and making sure my life is together before I blend with someone else’s,” says Kyndal Wilson, 20 a student at Howard University.

Big J: This sista is making a BIG mistake. College is the best place to find a husband. It’s better to build together than apart. Coming into a marriage with too many assets can often build suspicion and distrust. And most often it’s long-term, monogomous relationships that help us grow into who we are.