“A USA TODAY/ABC News/Gallup Poll of baby boomers finds that 41% who have a living parent are providing care for them — either financial help, personal care or both — and 8% of boomers say their parents have moved in with them.
“Of those who are not caring for an aging parent, 37% say they expect to do so in the future. About half say they’re concerned about being able to provide such care.
“It’s estimated that 34 million Americans serve as unpaid caregivers for other adults, usually elderly relatives, and that they spend an average 21 hours a week helping out, according to a study being released today by AARP. Millions more grown children are calling regularly, flying into town every few weeks or months or just stopping by to take Mom or Dad to the doctor.
TheStateOf . . . Our Parents. I (J) take care of my Mom. It was hard in the past, but things are much easier these days. I have a lot of friends that are caring for very ill parents and my heart goes out to them. It ain’t no joke. The trick is to find people in the same situation; they tend to have great ideas.
I am in a really interesting situation.
My mom is 67 and she is still taking care of her mom who is 94 and practically bedridden.
My mom who already had hypertention (which is controlled by meds) and glaucoma was diagnosed with macular degeneration about six months ago and she went for her check-up last week and the doctor recommended that she start taking meds for it.
Unfortnately my mom and I don’t get along so it is going to be interesting to see what happens when she can no longer take care of herself.
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Yeah Rod, that will be a challenge.
I honestly don’t want to think about this… part of me being human.
Something that bothers me is the fact that many times one is more ‘willing/able’ than another to ‘help’ care for the parent(s). We saw some of this in Soul Food. That itself causes issue.
I wonder if my wife would mind my mom living with us… or if I’d mine the vice versus. Challenges I tell ya.
This is something that quite a few of my clients have to face on a regular basis. In many situations, the clients have children in college and are sandwiched by taking care of parents and children at the same time.
It’s estimated that 34 million Americans serve as unpaid caregivers for other adults
This choice of wording really bothers me. Putting family obligations in monetary terms - “unpaid caregiver”. Pffff….
Is a sick parent supposed to pay a child for doing what family should do? Or has family been sufficiently destroyed by the secularists that no such familial duty exists?
Perhaps parents should charge children for all that “caregiving” the provided to the child to make it all even.
People are sick.
Dina,
That quote implies that there are people who are providing unpaid care for others who are NOT relatives. Where no such familial obligations/duties exist. Relax a bit.
It’s also a commentary on how much time people do spend caring for relatives, which can create a financial strain on their own households.
Sasha,
Listen to feminist radio sometime. They refer to mothers as unpaid caregivers. It’s really sickening.
As a member of a family who has to care for my elderly grandmother, I’d offer a challenge to the notion that the care is simply a part of your familial duty.
This makes light of the often extensive care that the elderly can require. In my grandmother’s case, although mentally in tact, her physical limitations require that someone is with her AT ALL TIMES. 24 hours per day. She is not independently ambulatory. This means that she requires help with using the bathroom, bathing, dressing, transitioning and on weaker days, even with turning over in bed. That’s taxing to say the least and is far different from the car being provided to a physically able child. It makes a considerable difference when the individual is not physically able to care for themselves. Its like having an infant.
Yes we elect to care for her because she is the matriarch of our family, but the substantial efforts of those who provide care to loved ones should not be belittled as “familial duty.” The responsibility is far greater than the term suggests.
Caring for your elderly parents is emotionally wrenching but also part of the process of life. I watched my aunts and uncles get together to care for my grandfather before he passed. I’m happy he didn’t spend his last days alone. It is, no doubt, our obligation after what they’ve done for us.
Interesting Robyn that you think the concept of caring for family is belittling. I can’t imagine a higher duty or sense of obligation than what we do for our loved ones.
My sister, father and I cared for my mother for over a year and a half while she died from cancer. If someone had the nerve to refer to us as “unpaid caregivers”, that would be belittling.
Maybe its all semantics D. My point was simply that its an unending sacrifice that one chooses. Its not something that is simply “a matter of course.” That’s what I took “family duty” to mean. So I guess we agree.
That’s a great point, RJ.
I also have a grandmother who is neither physically nor mentally in tact. In many respects, caring for an infant is easier because at least infants have their own form of communicating their needs and feelings. The care she requires exceeds that which our family can provide just on our own. It is truly an emotionally wrenching process. Making the decision that you can’t provide the care on your own anymore is difficult, even though you know it’s in their best interest.
Speaking of “unpaid caregiving”, as I was reading the posts, the little one was chillin’ in my lap. I felt something wet on my robe and thought, “oh she must have spit up”.
Of course, I couldn’t be that lucky. She had taken such a monster, explosive poop that it made it all over me! And once I got her cleaned up and ready for a clean diaper, she peed on the changing table.
And it is with great love that I clean up after this little one because, when I’m 70, I’m going to return the favor. LOL!!
I do think that taking care of the elderly is what families do. Families protect each other. Period. I have an 89 year old uncle who is bedridden and he gets daily visits from all the family. Something like 20 people are constantly visiting him.
Before I got married, we had premarital counseling with a counselor and we agreed that either of our parents could live with us, if necessary. With the econonomy going in the tank, I think you’ll see more 3 generation households. It’s very important to talk about this BEFORE you get married.
The breakdown of the black family will be felt even worse when our ‘baby daddy’ generation gets older. Our kids will resent us, or have different daddies, which makes the caretaking more difficult or even non-existent.
When I’m old, I hope not to be a burden on my kids - that’s why I’m gonna keep doing yoga.
I have a friend whose Mom has been bedridden for 5 years and his life has revolved around taking care of her the whole time. It really really sucks, but he has done it with honor.
J,
You are right about the future. We had better begin to understand that a 3 & 4 generation household will be more norm, especially for stable familes.
Economically, It really is the only smart option.
Too many see it as an intense burden. At times it is tough. But, my honor and sense of duty always push and motivate me. My family was there for me, so I am there for them. It is that simple.
Dina: And it is with great love that I clean up after this little one because, when I’m 70, I’m going to return the favor. LOL!!
So that means you only have thirty five good years left.
Use them wisely.
I do think about this quite a bit. Mom is 80 and my only sibling, a sister, will be 60 next year. My sister’s fine; mom is fragile but holding on. I turn 44 later this year and am a single non-parent. It makes me think about career changes and such.