“Are American parents smothering their children? Hara Estroff Marano, an editor-at-large at Psychology Today magazine and the grandmother of three small children, is convinced that they are. In her provocative new book, A Nation of Wimps: The High Cost of Invasive Parenting (Broadway), she writes, “Behold the wholly sanitized childhood, without skinned knees or the occasional C in history! Kids need to learn that you need to feel bad sometimes. We learn through experience, and we learn especially through bad experiences. Through disappointment and failure we learn how to cope.”
“I think the problem now is that the adults just totally unleash their anxieties on their children. There was a time not very long ago when you had the same worries. You just took the leap of trust, a very important word. You trusted your child to take the next step of growth. And I think it’s really important because society is founded on trust. That’s the glue of society, of culture, the glue of intimate relationships.
TheStateOf . . . Kids Today. The wifey and I talk about this all the time. I (J) really stress that I don’t want my kids, especially two boys, to have too much or be too sheltered. When Ike falls down and starts to whine, I say “Get up. Suck it up, G. Take a deep breah.” And back in the day, we took the bus at age 9, and we played all around L.A. way past daylight. Nowadays, I never see kids playing outside alone, etc.
Filed under: Family
Isn’t that a bit extreme for a 3 year-old, J?
Don’t say anything and let the kid cry.
But if he is still doing it by 5 or 6 you can give him a ‘man up’ or two. LOL
If the child is actually hurt, then by all means, react.
But if its a fall on the but, no need to visit the ER.
I’ve noticed that kids look to the reaction of the parents to determine what their reaction should be. Has anyone else seen this? There’s this pregnant pause by the kid, and then, if mom rushes over, the kid starts to scream.
And to the meat of the post, I agree. Kids should be encouraged to show a healthy level of independence and maturity.
RJ said: “I’ve noticed that kids look to the reaction of the parents to determine what their reaction should be. Has anyone else seen this? There’s this pregnant pause by the kid, and then, if mom rushes over, the kid starts to scream.”
THis is true.
I think there has to be a balance. (I’m big on balance.) You don’t want to smother your kids, but you don’t want them to feel like you don’t care. You don’t want them to be soft, but you don’t want them to feel as though they have to be so tough all the time.
I don’t know about letting the kid catch the NYC subway at age 9. That would be pretty scary.
Rod,
I’m not yellin’ at him or nothin’… It’s a soft, “suck it up, homie.”
This is a common topic at my house too.
When my daughter falls, I tell her to get up and brush it off…when she’s hungry, I have no problem telling her to wait a half hour until I’m done cooking….when she can’t figure out how to get down from the jungle gym, I let her squirm a bit to see if she can do it on her own.
I do a good job of intervening with hugs, snacks, and help when I know she needs me.
I aint gonna raise some high maintenance, no patience having brat. And that’s what we’ll see more of with these “helecopter” parents. You can help kids build a lot of self confidence by letting them work stuff out.
The wife is a little easier to rile up….but I guess that’s why you got a mom and a dad.
J.
You deal with a 3-year old like that? You ought to be ashamed. And I don’t even have any kids.
Americans, in general, are turning their kids into a buunch of spoiled wimps by having games with no winners, video damn games all day and jumping bad withth teachers if they get a B instead of an A.
A bunch of candy-asees. We are killing this generation with unrealistic expectations about life.
You’re right though; you’ve got to teach your kids independence. But there is a blanacing act between teaching your kids to be respectful and mindful of adults, but not be totally obedient such that they endanger themselves.
For instance, I am amazed at how children end up being molested by adults for years under the threat that if they tell their parents they’ll kill them.
Parents, what do you do?